Why Geeks Are Sexy

I'm a pretty sizable geek. Not as big as some, but certainly in there. I always have been. I got my hands on Tolkien and read The Lord of The Rings by 4th grade. I have had real debates over whether Batman is actually a superhero or not.(He is.) If you asked me to rank the Stars Wars films I could do it in a heartbeat and tell you why.(5, 6, 4, 3, 2, 1. Because Revenge is the most compelling, Return, despite having ewoks is too exciting to discredit, New Hope has probably the best, most complete story and the most Original Obi-wan time, and the pre-quels got more watchable as it went along.) I absent mindedly hum the theme to Game of Thrones inceasently. I'm a geek and I am sexier for it.

Is it because of your geek-sheek fashion sense Jake?

Well that may have something to do with it, even NBA stars, professionally paid athletes, are joining the nerd herd after all, but I don't think that's why.

It's because geeks have passion. Nothing is sexier than someone who is passionate. Nothing. Good looks are great, intelligence comes very close but for my money passion is the sexiest thing going. 

And you don't have to love comic books or swords or lasers to be a geek. You just have to care about something to the point that you wanna know all about it. There are music geeks and film geeks and comedy geeks and sports geeks and even sex geeks (I count myself as a few of those as well) and the one thing they all have is passion. 

Find what you love. Do what you love. Be confident and proud of what you love. Share it with people you love. Geek out. Nothing is sexier. 

But, what the hell do I know?

Breaking Up Is Hard to Do A.K.A. You are all Beautiful Little Snowflakes

There aren't a whole lot of people in their early twenties who find the one person they're gonna stick with. There are a whole lot of people in their early twenties who date. I didn't take stats in university but if my math is right, that leads to a lot of break ups. To lend some perspective to my perspective I will give a very brief (and non-specific) overview of my romantic history so far.

 I'll be the first to admit I don't break up well. A few that I have had have hit me quite hard. Of the seven exclusive "relationships" I have been in (I only use the quotes because some were "seeing each other" others were "dating" but all were exclusive at the time) I have been the dumper twice, the dumped four times and had a truly mutual break up once. I can say with honesty I invested myself completely in two of those relationships and partially in the other five. Of the women I was involved with I am still friends with five, don't talk to another at all, and have one that's up in the air friendship-wise as of this post but is starting to look more positive which is encouraging and healing. What I'm trying to say is, I've been through enough break ups to have formed an opinion on it.

My opinion is this: You are all beautiful little snowflakes.

Most people have heard the saying "Everyone grieves differently," or something to that effect. Well it doesn't just go for death, it goes for loss as well. And that's what a break up is, a loss. You have lost someone you've become used to having around, you may have lost whole aspects of your life that you used to share with that person, for fear you'll bump into them or their friends. The adjustment to that is hard. And its not the same person to person or even break up to break up. Every experience is new. Nothing we do is ever the same as something we did and that is both exciting and terrifying.

With that in mind, the so called rules about how to get over someone or how long it takes are absolutely ridiculous. What I really want to say and what I've learned in my experience is Do not let anyone tell you how to or how long to grieve, especially not yourself. Do not put an expectation of time on yourself. Do not put an expectation on what you're ready for on yourself. And don't let anyone else do that to you either, not friends, not family. The only way to feel better is to let yourself go through whatever it is you're going to go through, every single step of it, and keep in mind that it will eventually feel better. The worst, most emotionally taxing break ups I have had were the ones where I had expectations of myself and my recovery and I didn't meet them. All of a sudden you're left thinking "What's wrong with me? Why aren't I ok?" And the answer is "Nothing and because you just aren't yet." This doesn't mean wallow in your sadness, it doesn't mean shut down and become useless to those around you, it means don't lie to yourself and end up hurting yourself further and don't worry that you're doing it wrong. Nothing is wrong with you if your third break up takes you two months to get over and your fifth takes you a year. Nothing is wrong with you if you find someone new in four months and nothing is wrong with you if you find someone new in two years so long as you are always honest with yourself and don't try and push your feelings away.

In my experience, some break ups hurt more than others, but at our age, they all stop hurting sooner or later. As long as we all keep that in mind, and try to follow the advice above, we'll be healthy, happy, beautiful little snowflakes.

But hey, what the hell do I know?

Am I a Feminist?

I used to confidently say I was a feminist. My opinions haven't changed but I feel almost hypocritical using the term these days. I still believe a woman deserves the same rights and freedoms that a man has, regardless of what culture, race, nation or religion that woman belongs to. Though I think saying men and women are the same is simply wrong. We are different, we are physically different, chemically different and even cognitively different. (By this I mean only those who are born women and I acknowledge not every women is.) But different does not mean inherently ranked. We are not the same, but we are equal.

   But saying that doesn't seem like enough anymore to say I'm a feminist. And I realize that feminists themselves aren't always a unified group, there are as many shades of feminism as there are shades of liberalism or any other ism that has to try and cover that much ground on that many issues. My sentiment comes instead from the seemingly growing anger towards men in general, and even towards other feminists. An absolute ton of this anger is justified. Women are treated as lesser for no reason other than their gender. We don't choose our gender, its the circumstance of our birth. To discriminate based on anything we did not choose is wrong and when you have to live with something that is wrong your entire life would make you furious. This anger must be focused however. It cannot consume. "I'm angry" isn't a convincing argument, "this is wrong and we can change it" is.

The dialogue around Rape Culture is an interesting example. It is a huge issue that needs addressing in our society and needs addressing now, and my qualm isn't with the issue, but rather the dialogue that has been generated around it. The message has to be "no ones desires ever trump someone else's rights to safety" as opposed to "men are rapists, born and bred." I can say from personal experience and from talking to my male friends that we feel like the second message is louder than the first. That may not even be the case, but it matters that we feel that way because we are potential allies that feel alienated and vilified by the rhetoric. It's very hard to say I'm a feminist and in the same breath say I've been conditioned to condone rape. I'm not going to lean on the shitty argument that feminists are sexist because it's a dumb thing to say for more reasons than I feel like getting into but I simply hope my feminist friends (and that's most of my friends, actors tend to be a pretty liberal bunch) realize that I, and many guys like me, want to be part of the solution, as partners and allies.

But, what the hell do I know?

What Does Being Single Mean in 2014?

The title of this post sort of covers what I want to talk about. We're in uncharted territory as young-adult-daters now. Dating doesn't mean what it used to. With the rise of casual relationships and the use of the internet and apps making it easier than shooting fish in a barrel (Why? You already have them in a barrel. Surely that's job done.)to meet someone, or at least meet their genitals, the very concept of "Being Single" is up in the air.

"Oh I'm single, and I'm texting this guy who I think is cute."

"I'm single but when I'm drunk I snapchat dick pics to my ex."

"I'm single but I'm on tinder and I have a fuck buddy."

Or maybe the most confusing one of all: "I'm single but I'm seeing someone."

The term has become fluid to the point of being so completely ambiguous that we may as well be speaking different languages. My theory is this new dating culture is due to two things.

 The first is the paradox of choice. This theory states that when offered with many, many choices we don't make one at all. We're presented with new faces and new potential partners all the time. More than any group before us. Grindr, Tinder, OKcupid, LuLu, the list goes on and on and that's not even including the more conventional meeting at a bar, through friends, from classes or work etc. etc. you get my point. If we were to lock into one person, we would be missing out on all the other people we get randomly bombarded with and who would want that?

The second, and the more worrisome in my mind is our generations apparent fear of genuine emotion and connection. We fear investing ourselves in someone and then getting hurt which makes sense but is unavoidable in a healthy life. We hide that fear behind phrases like "I don't need anyone to be happy." Which can come from a good place. I'm not saying everyone who is single is secretly miserable or afraid, plenty of people simply prefer being single and that's awesome. Myself included to a point. What I am saying is that people who are left in solitary confinement for too long go insane. We are naturally social animals. We need other people in our lives to live those lives fully. Otherwise you end up like Tom Hanks in Castaway, talking to a volleyball that you bled on. But, so we don't seem dependent, we trade lasting relationships for brief casual ones so we can tell ourselves we're strong and independent and "don't need anyone to be happy." Why is it stronger to stand alone? What's wrong with caring and depending on someone you love? Support systems are there to catch us when we fall, because everyone does sooner or later. When I have a bad day I'd rather come home to one person who will be there than five flirty texts from five different people who I can't open up to.

Being single can be great, it's a time to try different things, learn about who you are, what you like and what you're capable of. But if we're going to be single, lets be single. Lets say we're seeing someone if we're seeing someone. Let's say we're fucking someone if we're fucking someone. Because they're different. Single can't be this umbrella term we use to make ourselves feel good. It has to be specific enough for the person we eventually meet that makes us want to not be single anymore, to know how to go forward.

But then again, what the hell do I know?

What The Hell is What The Hell Do I Know?

A lot of the time I have thoughts. In fact I have them almost constantly. Most are dumb and about tv, but this (probably) won't be where I record those. I've decided to use this blog as a storage place and forum for my perspective and opinion on where I am in my life, how I perceive the world around me, and how I want to be perceived. 

My name is Jake. I am a straight white guy so I have a lot of super unique and challenging struggles to share with you all. I'm a left wing guy from Vancouver BC with a bachelor's degree in acting from a school in the UK. I'm also 22. Which brings me to the title of my blog. What the Hell Do I Know? Well to be honest, not much. Very few 22 year olds do.

All I do know is I'm going to talk about my attempt at finding identity, success, purpose, and love.

If this interests you then strap in and stay tuned.