I used to confidently say I was a feminist. My opinions haven't changed but I feel almost hypocritical using the term these days. I still believe a woman deserves the same rights and freedoms that a man has, regardless of what culture, race, nation or religion that woman belongs to. Though I think saying men and women are the same is simply wrong. We are different, we are physically different, chemically different and even cognitively different. (By this I mean only those who are born women and I acknowledge not every women is.) But different does not mean inherently ranked. We are not the same, but we are equal.
But saying that doesn't seem like enough anymore to say I'm a feminist. And I realize that feminists themselves aren't always a unified group, there are as many shades of feminism as there are shades of liberalism or any other ism that has to try and cover that much ground on that many issues. My sentiment comes instead from the seemingly growing anger towards men in general, and even towards other feminists. An absolute ton of this anger is justified. Women are treated as lesser for no reason other than their gender. We don't choose our gender, its the circumstance of our birth. To discriminate based on anything we did not choose is wrong and when you have to live with something that is wrong your entire life would make you furious. This anger must be focused however. It cannot consume. "I'm angry" isn't a convincing argument, "this is wrong and we can change it" is.
The dialogue around Rape Culture is an interesting example. It is a huge issue that needs addressing in our society and needs addressing now, and my qualm isn't with the issue, but rather the dialogue that has been generated around it. The message has to be "no ones desires ever trump someone else's rights to safety" as opposed to "men are rapists, born and bred." I can say from personal experience and from talking to my male friends that we feel like the second message is louder than the first. That may not even be the case, but it matters that we feel that way because we are potential allies that feel alienated and vilified by the rhetoric. It's very hard to say I'm a feminist and in the same breath say I've been conditioned to condone rape. I'm not going to lean on the shitty argument that feminists are sexist because it's a dumb thing to say for more reasons than I feel like getting into but I simply hope my feminist friends (and that's most of my friends, actors tend to be a pretty liberal bunch) realize that I, and many guys like me, want to be part of the solution, as partners and allies.
But, what the hell do I know?
I'm a man. I try to educate men on how to be good man if I see the need. My dad raised me with an understanding. Woman don't need saving. We all need love. Man woman and children. Do I have all the answers? No. Will I try anyway? Yes. I love all people and think we can all learn from each other and help each other to find a voice and strength no matter how we label ourselves.
ReplyDeleteIt's good to keep in mind though that there is a huge misunderstanding in much of our culture about what rape or rape culture truly is. The ways boys and girls are taught to interact with each other feeds the situations that perhaps allow rape to happen so often. There's the idea that the man must win over the affections of the woman, not the other way around. There is the idea that men can't help themselves and that their sexual desires are so animalistic that they can't control their actions when that drive takes over. And there is the idea that women are the gates to sex, and that it is their responsibility to fend of the "uncontrollable" urges of men. None of these ideas are fact, but they are ideas that are perpetuated in our society, and in my opinion, are internalized by many people - men and women alike - despite how much these ideas may insult and harm both of them.
ReplyDeleteI also agree with you that some feminists see men as the enemy - but this, in my opinion, is as narrow-minded as seeing all men or all women as one entity or "type". There is no way to generalize one group of people, whether it be by race, sexuality, sex, gender, religion, etc. Although it is good to keep in mind that not all feminists think this way. You are absolutely welcome and (I would say) encouraged to call yourself a feminist and work for that movement. But you said it yourself, there are as many feminisms as there are liberalisms. You may be identifying with the feminists that may not be pro-men, but you're also identifying with feminists who are pro-equality, and who welcome any and all allies, regardless of who they are. Not all people who call themselves liberals will see eye-to-eye with everything, but they have a common cause for the most part. It's virtually the same with feminists. You believe in equality of the sexes - and I think it's safe to say all people. That's reason enough to call yourself a feminist in my books.