The title of this post sort of covers what I want to talk about. We're in uncharted territory as young-adult-daters now. Dating doesn't mean what it used to. With the rise of casual relationships and the use of the internet and apps making it easier than shooting fish in a barrel (Why? You already have them in a barrel. Surely that's job done.)to meet someone, or at least meet their genitals, the very concept of "Being Single" is up in the air.
"Oh I'm single, and I'm texting this guy who I think is cute."
"I'm single but when I'm drunk I snapchat dick pics to my ex."
"I'm single but I'm on tinder and I have a fuck buddy."
Or maybe the most confusing one of all: "I'm single but I'm seeing someone."
The term has become fluid to the point of being so completely ambiguous that we may as well be speaking different languages. My theory is this new dating culture is due to two things.
The first is the paradox of choice. This theory states that when offered with many, many choices we don't make one at all. We're presented with new faces and new potential partners all the time. More than any group before us. Grindr, Tinder, OKcupid, LuLu, the list goes on and on and that's not even including the more conventional meeting at a bar, through friends, from classes or work etc. etc. you get my point. If we were to lock into one person, we would be missing out on all the other people we get randomly bombarded with and who would want that?
The second, and the more worrisome in my mind is our generations apparent fear of genuine emotion and connection. We fear investing ourselves in someone and then getting hurt which makes sense but is unavoidable in a healthy life. We hide that fear behind phrases like "I don't need anyone to be happy." Which can come from a good place. I'm not saying everyone who is single is secretly miserable or afraid, plenty of people simply prefer being single and that's awesome. Myself included to a point. What I am saying is that people who are left in solitary confinement for too long go insane. We are naturally social animals. We need other people in our lives to live those lives fully. Otherwise you end up like Tom Hanks in Castaway, talking to a volleyball that you bled on. But, so we don't seem dependent, we trade lasting relationships for brief casual ones so we can tell ourselves we're strong and independent and "don't need anyone to be happy." Why is it stronger to stand alone? What's wrong with caring and depending on someone you love? Support systems are there to catch us when we fall, because everyone does sooner or later. When I have a bad day I'd rather come home to one person who will be there than five flirty texts from five different people who I can't open up to.
Being single can be great, it's a time to try different things, learn about who you are, what you like and what you're capable of. But if we're going to be single, lets be single. Lets say we're seeing someone if we're seeing someone. Let's say we're fucking someone if we're fucking someone. Because they're different. Single can't be this umbrella term we use to make ourselves feel good. It has to be specific enough for the person we eventually meet that makes us want to not be single anymore, to know how to go forward.
But then again, what the hell do I know?
Well spoken, the paradoxes of saying are incredibly stupid but also seemingly impossible to rise above, when push comes to shove, we all seem to become lowest-common-deniminator humans.
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